17 “‘We played the pipe for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’
He prances, he dances, he does whatever I want! He plays my little games and approves of all my particular views. Do you want a vicious god who will help you judge all of those heathens out there? Presto! He slices, he dices, he makes Julianne Fries! Want a gushy god that hugs everybody and doesn't ask anything of us? Bada- Bing! Want a god who loves your favorite pet doctrine? Bada-Boom! A god who prefers the Bible translation that you read? Shazam! A god who dislikes all the people that keep bothering you? How about a racist god?
Then you need god in my pocket©! Convenient, portable, ready when you are, this little god will serve all of your purposes and more. Pull him out when you need him, fold him up and pack him away when he isn't necessary! This god is soooooo good for your self esteem! Did you know that he actually belongs to your denomination?
Do you want him to approve of public schools or private schools?
"My god is a homeschooler," you say? Just let him know!
What's your political affiliation? Your pocket god is a card carrying member! He loves pristine nature and drives a Prius to minimize his carbon footprint, if you're so inclined. Or perhaps he's tough on defense and advocates limited government. That's the beauty of the god in my pocket©.
You need an attitude adjustment. You need a little assertiveness training! With god in my pocket© , you can be sure that the way you see the world is the right way. What's your favorite verse? That's his favorite verse too! Who is your favorite preacher? What do you think about drinking alcohol? Social Justice? Dancing? Evolution? The central importance of marriage? The unimportance of marriage? The amazing thing is, god in my pocket© agrees! With every one of those!
Struggling through difficult times? Just pull your little god out and blame everything on him! Let him know what a disappointment he has been, really let him have it!
He is ready to play all of your little games, just order today!
(god in my pocket© did not make the universe. god in my pocket© is not the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. god in my pocket© did not inspire the Bible. god in my pocket© did not send his Son to die for you. god in my pocket© is a tiny figment of your imagination, and cannot do anything for you. god in my pocket© assumes no responsibility, stated or implied for outcomes when you pray. Any views or opinions presented in this advertisement are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the Creator of the Universe. god in my pocket© accepts no liability for the content of this advertisement, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided.)
If I failed to step on your toes by forgetting to include your particular area of interest, I apologize.